Jess (jazzminarino) wrote in livequotes,

A year and a half in my apartment is amazing...

Some time ago, my friends and I decided to write in a quote book. A simple tablet of paper, jotting down things we had said that could potentially be incriminating later. I decided to post them here, using their pseudonyms from my journal. Most of them are not by who said them, but some are in order to figure out timelines...

... ENJOY!

"10 cents for the pink kitty"
"When (Hunny) passes out, do you want to have sex with me?" - Hunny's boyfriend
"Your apartment is so cute, I want to chew on it."
"When my princess screams, I pay attention to her."
"I want the thing and the mat to make my butt look amazing."
- "You're going to have to manscape Enrique to make your butt look amazing."
"I don't have any junk to grab, so I'll just grab yours instead."
"Snow in Jersey is like ashes in Auschwitz."
"You're a miracle baby that poops cucumbers... and you're cute and stuff. And you're (Shink)'s kid."
"You have to squish the grapes to fuck (Shink)."
"God, why is my mouth retarded?"
"If you put helium in a girl's vagina, does she queef in a high pitch?"
"Have you seen the anal part yet?"
"Do you not masturbate?"
- A day later - "I totally masturbate, but that's not enough for me."
"I'm kind of addicted to his cock."
"Small things + baby = bad"
"Tell her to cross her legs and hold it."
"Your face never looked like that before!"
"We determined this evening that he's a complete submissive." - Shink
- "No, that's only with you." - Trips
"He's already got dentures- diaper rash is on the way!"
"I can feel your throat muscles on my foot."
"You don't want a no-neck popping out of your cooch?"
"No, Jess, I'm full of fat and (Trips)'s diseased."
"I've already been through the initiation. I've slept with her in that bed."
"I hate it when ghost dust gets in my air filter."
"Oh, man, shit, I killed a lady!"
"She's vibrating beneath me!"
"You could have luck, but this Valley is full of fail."
"$19,000!? That's a lot of fucking blow!"
"Math will not get you into my pants."
"You like my pussy there, (Trips)?... Actually, he's been petting (Batman)'s pussy- mine's the orange one."
"My pussy came out to play. I can't help it - it's so easy."
"I like anything related to my nuts."
"Do her in the ass, cum on her tits, and see her naked, and I'll be good to go."
- "Dirty, sloppy, and necessary!"
"Are you having to double finger that bitch?"
"Unless you can shoot it and lick it at the same time..."
"I'd rather cuddle than spread hummus."
"Bitch, I'll duck hunt you."
"The demon is bisexual, but (Freight Train) is not."
"We're not going to Hungryman if we have a (Kayrin)."
"I got 99 units but a bitch ain't one!"
"Don't mess with me, I'm on Mars. I'm heavy!"
"I know it's not just a clock, it's sentimental, but I'm a person."
"I sleep because I smoke smack."
"Justice for your monkey."
"I = Threat to Homeboy"
"I am the butt plug in your foreplay."
"You're my pimp. *straight face*"
"Why am I the Brain?"
- "Because you're smart... and I'm not really all that retarded."
"I thought my cat was a chocolate rabbit."
"I want to feel a hip, not slugs."
"Why am I the Slut Town?"
"I can't even masturbate- I only have one eye!"
"If I had a large mass of myself around myself, I'd be making jokes, too."
"He's not like a lumberjack- he's the lumber, covered with moss."
"While you're down there, could you hand me my pants?"
"There's no safety word in bubblewrap."
"Them's the jams."
"(Trips)'s a bitch, but not the female kind."
"Just do me in the butt and don't call me."
"If you lick my carpet, you'll get a high."
"After he had his dick in my ass, things change."
"Honey, I'd bend you over any day."
"Hard, coarse material on top of soft, thriving cock."
"If you fart, do you blow a cum bubble?"
"It was a doggy style sense of fun."
"If I wanted hand-cock action, I would have just jerked off."
"Do you understand what I was trying to do in your ear last night?"
"I can do it but not with my tongue."
"You don't want to catch the baby when you're taking a bath."
"Once you had your finger in my ass, I think I have some rights."
"It's time for your ass." - Jess
- "I just want food." - Caterpillar
- "In your ass?" - Shink
- "They still have bananas at Wawa for 39 cents?" - Jess
"You had zebra panties on, I remember it!"
"The world is my cum dumpster."
"Me sitting on your dick is not the same as me sitting on your face."
"I was trying to figure out what was tickling my ass."
"He sounds like a giant bag of douche."
"Keep your knees away from my head unit."
"Penises don't have eyes!"
"I do have sexy eyes- they're my nipples!"
"If she were to go cliff-diving and she had to hold onto a rope with her legs, she'd be dead."
"As long as she can Kegel, I don't care."
"[At CCC] With a major in Screw You the Fuck Over with a minor in Bitch."
"I think the balls will enlighten his eyes."
"When I puke, I masturbate. When he puked, he died!"
"They're going to have ecstasy sock sex and fly through the trees."
Trips to Jess in sexy vamp voice- "I like your boobies!"
"It's like the labia of my mouth."
"If you don't move your head, I'll elbow you when I jerk off."
"But you're strange! Because you have very tiny legs... and arms."
"After a couple of beers, we'll be playing with each other's body parts."
"I would like gunpowder, not this sneaky non-burning shit."
"I wish I could eat you, but I can't."
"I was trying to read an article about G.W., but it wouldn't let me stop pooping."
"Put your hand here. Come with me."
"Put sheets on it so you don't get any (Trips) in you."
"Why are girls so weird about giving head?"
"It's not you. It's the couch."
"Honey, would you mind if I took off my pants?"
"That's protection mode... ass up!"
"It's hiv to be square."
"I don't know where my hands are, but they are in trouble."
"I don't think I want my crap f'ed up."
"When you are drunk, it's kinda hard to remember what first base is. You just go to third."
"I'm always prepared when I get on top of you."
"I'm not saying, 'Let's make love.' I'm saying, 'Let's fuck!'"
"I expect an invite to that wedding if they need a flower monster or ring eater."
"You put it so far down my throat. It's amazing!"
"Shit, that's a corn nut!"
"I can't. I already have a nut in my mouth."
"In my mouth, it's awesome in here."
"I can't arrange my ass until you do yours."
"She's doing her clit thing on my knee."
"I think I touched my tailbone to my dick."
"Ass up, fingers down, that's the way... I play Twister."
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